Star Wars Movies 9: Attack of the Clones

Since I started doing these blogathons, I’d always watch the full movie shortly before writing a blog post. But with Attack of the Clones, I started writing this blog post around the time Obi Wan Kenobi arrived on Kamino. Why? Because of all the Star Wars movies, this is the one I find it hardest to pay attention to. And why is that? Because it’s so boring.

Just so you’re aware, I’ll be writing this blog post assuming the readers have seen this movie and remember a fair amount of it. I apologize if you feel lost, but there’s a lot to get through and I don’t want to write too long of a post.

(Can’t talk about Attack of the Clones without this gif somewhere)

For me, Attack of The Clones is the worst official Star Wars movie. Like Revenge of the Sith, it overuses CGI backgrounds that really haven’t aged well. A lot of the CGI characters also look bad by today’s standards. At times it looks more like filmed cutscenes for a 90’s video game than it does a movie. The action scenes are both over the top and not all that intense at the same time, because you’re just watching two CGI armies of faceless soldiers fight each other on a flat, open field. There are no room for tactics here. It’s all just a bunch of audio and visual noise. At least The Phantom Menace used real sets most of the time.

Even the live action fight scenes sometimes lack gravity because the excessive CGI is clearly affecting the actors’ performances. The factory fight, which was added in near the end of filming, might just be the dumbest action scene in franchise history, including the unofficial entries. It’s also got the worst lightsaber fight in the franchise to date, thanks to the camera being too close, the lame choreography, and a host of other reasons.

But that’s not what makes Attack of the Clones the worst Star Wars movie. No, it’s the sluggish pacing in what already used to be the longest Star Wars movie (The Last Jedi is longer by about 8 minutes or so). It’s the horribly written love story between Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala that feels more like the story of a psychopathic stalker and his oblivious girlfriend. It’s a story that attempts to be an intriguing mystery of where the clone troopers come from, yet it doesn’t provide enough answers.

That’s not to say this movie isn’t without its strengths or clear potential. With tighter writing and a couple minor role reversals, the love story could have worked. It should have been Anakin who’s resistant to the relationship due to his Jedi allegiances, not Padme. Some of the action is still decent, like the fight between Obi-Wan Kenobi and at least elements of the chase scene through Coruscant. The gladiator pit fight before Anakin and Obi-Wan get replacement lightsabers is also fun, showing the characters in actual danger. The soundtrack, while not as good as usual for John Williams, is still brilliant. And of course the scene where Anakin slaughters a village of sand people is brilliantly done and cuts out at the exact right moment. Up until his megalomaniacal rant, the aftermath scene was also very well done.

(This movie does have the occasional good dialogue)

It’s also the first Star Wars movie released that showed more than three planets, and as much as there’s too much CGI, the general design is consistently great.

As for the performances, well … Hayden Christensen is better than Jake Lloyd, but he’s not all that great as Anakin. Sure, he’s great at being angry and psychotic, and he does a good job at being winy when he’s supposed to be. Also, don’t forget that Luke Skywalker was also a bit winy in A New Hope. But all you need to do is watch some of the behind the scenes footage to know that George Lucas isn’t the greatest director when it comes to getting good performances out of everyone.

I’ve seen Christensen put in good performances in other movies. For example, he played the lead role in Shattered Glass, a true story about a once famous journalist who was caught having made up almost every story he ever wrote. He even received several nominations for his performance in that movie, and won one at the Las Palmas Film Festival. He kind of disappeared for a while to take a break from acting, but has been showing up in the odd independent movie here and there in the last few years. Thankfully he seems to have turned out better than Jake Lloyd. He seems content with how people have reacted to his performance.

And this movie even got a boring performance from Samuel L. Jackson. I’ll speak more about that in my post for Revenge of the Sith, but for now, I’ll just ask how? How do you get Jackson to put in a boring performance when he’s supposed to be one of the more awesome Jedi in the order? Seriously, what a waste.

But Ewan McGregor is still brilliant as Obi Wan, Christopher Lee is great as Count Dooku in this movie, and  Ian McDiarmid is perfect as Palpatine, the emperor in waiting, as always.

Like with The Phantom Menace, I wrote a blog post years ago suggesting things that could have improved this movie, if you’re interested.

Even when I first saw this in theaters, I didn’t love it. I didn’t fully understand why, but there was something about the movie that felt off. It was shortly after that when I saw The Fellowship of the Ring for the first time, when a lifetime friend of mine received the extended cut on VHS for his birthday I believe. That’s around the time when I stopped being a hardcore Star Wars fan for a while. I still mostly enjoyed Revenge of the Sith when it came out, but I never really followed the franchise closely between Attack of the Clones and The Force Awakens. This is the movie that killed my super fandom, even if it took about a year to do so.

But I don’t hate this movie. I just mostly ignore large chunks of it when I rewatch it, like I’m doing as I write this, only to tune back in when one of the better moments happen. And this is the only Star Wars movie I do that with. It also means I tune out more than I pay attention. Besides, even if I find it hard to turn away from the Star Wars Holiday Special, that’s still worse than this.

Please though, let me know your thoughts on this movie in the comments.

Next up is Revenge of the Sith, which is pretty much universally regarded as the best of the prequels. Or the least bad of the prequels as some people call it. After that, it’s the Clone Wars movie that somehow got a theatrical release, followed by two mystery posts. What are these mystery posts? I’ll tell you what the first one is at the end of my Clone Wars post. Until then, may the force be with you.

About healed1337

I am a relatively new comic book fan writing this blog for other new comic book fans and/or people who are interested in comics but don't know where to start. I've always been interested in writing, to the point where I have a college Creative Writing Certificate and I'm currently a year 2 Journalism student. I also have another blog where I mostly make fun of bad movies - www.healed1337.blogspot.com As for how I got into comics, I've always had a passing interest in superheroes: most notably Batman, Spider-man and the X-Men. Until February of 2011 (I think,) my only experience with any of these franchises came from the movies and video games. Shortly after I bought Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 however, I decided to check out X-23, Wolverine's female clone. I ended up reading her Innocence Lost origin story and enjoyed it. From there, I started reading various X-Men comics and it quickly exploded into my newest hobby. My other interests/hobbies include video games, movies, music, playing sports, my dogs and weird news.
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7 Responses to Star Wars Movies 9: Attack of the Clones

  1. Paul Bowler says:

    Attack of the Clones is one of my least favourite Star Wars films as well. It highlights the prequels failings on every level, poor casting, plodding narrative, and so much CGI that it looks more like a cartoon than a movie. Shame really, as the prequels had such potential.

    Like

    • healed1337 says:

      At least The Phantom Menace had actual sets instead of CGI environments. Most of the time anyway. Oh, and not that I’m going to cry over it too much, but both Episode 2 and 3 were filmed digitally in 1080p. They can never be properly released in 4k. Since Phantom Menace was shot on film, they can still release that in 4k if they so desire.

      Liked by 1 person

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